He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
