I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
