Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
