Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
