I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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