An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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