Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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