Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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