I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
