where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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