Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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