he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
