So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
