i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
