She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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