You can't special order awesome
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
