the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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