I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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