hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize