I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
