hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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