now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
