Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
