Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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