That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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