Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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