you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
