And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
