he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
