She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
