and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
