My balls are so social today.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
