so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There r osticjed everywhere
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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