the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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