It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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