i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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