i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
