I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
