I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
