okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
