speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
