She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
