hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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