So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dignity is for republicans.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
