just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
