oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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