i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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