It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
