my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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