I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Blood and glitter go together right?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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