I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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