She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
two words: eviction party
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize