he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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