Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
