I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this will be a night to untag.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
