like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
