I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
