How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
