god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
either way he was missing a nipple.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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