There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
there is glitter all over my balls
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
