She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
