well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
