i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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