I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
