So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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